Why am I downcast in my soul,
why is my heart in turmoil?
What is this nagging ache I feel,
through my day and in my toil?
It feels like a cloud hovers over
and underneath my weakened smile.
I hide a mix of emotions,
a confusing, disorienting pile.
Maybe this lasts a day or two,
perhaps it lasts a few weeks.
But the funk I feel is there,
even after I try a couple tweaks.
Do I try to escape?
for the world offers ample choices.
Alcohol, cynicism, distraction,
Netflix binges, social media voices.
Keeping busy, enslaved to my work,
numbing the pain with vigor and vim.
Yet God holds out a better choice,
replacing escape with trust in him.
How do we do this when life is hard,
when the sun is hidden by rain?
We learn to lament, to cry aloud,
verbalizing our deepest sorrows and pain.
I cry aloud to God,
and he hears my cries and shouts.
My spirit faint and weary,
I pray and let it out.
I speak my lament to friends,
letting someone into my inner life.
I sing my frustrations back to God,
when I lament I’m still in the fight.
And fighting is a sign I am alive,
Lord this is hard! Candid, yet humble.
It’s the cry of the Psalms for a reason,
to the one who will not let me crumble.
And as God meets me in my wrestling,
I also seek to enjoy what’s good.
In the ordinary gifts of life,
family, friends, job, home and food.
What is the next thing he’s called me to,
who is the next person I can serve?
What are the blessings he’s given to me,
so many that are undeserved.
Enjoy the smell of fresh cut grass,
study my child’s precious face.
The endearing qualities of my spouse,
seeking to behold in them God’s grace.
Appreciating the way he made my friend,
all the gifts in her he has bestowed.
Embracing housework God has given me,
dishes to wash and laundry to load.
And whatever my job presently,
that is what God is calling me to.
It’s needed, it’s significant,
who am I blessing by what I do?
The delectable taste of a meal,
the variation, the smell, the flavors.
Creativity of a great movie or sports,
how many enjoyments today can I savor?
In the ordinary rhythms of life,
doing the next thing in front of me.
Can be the cure to my weary mind,
and keep me in my circle I’m meant to be.
Let God be God, I’m not in control,
give him my worries, fears, and delights.
Lament the bad, enjoy the good,
for Christ will one day make it right.
Psalm 13:1-2 & 5-6-“How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?…But I have trusted in your steadfast love: my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me.”
Psalm 43:1, 3-4-“Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause against an ungodly people, from the deceitful and unjust man deliver me!…Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! Then I will go to the altar of God, to god my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God.”
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