One of my greatest joys recently is self-forgetful play with our 85 pound dog, Penny. I get lost in the child-like frolicking when I am tossing her a toy, chasing her around, or attempting to tackle her. Most times she will bring the toy back and we engage in a good back and forth. Other times,she saunters away with the toy or disregards it. Not interested in playing anymore.
This made me think about friendship. In all honesty, there are times when friends we love just don’t want to play anymore. Or new ones don’t want to play at all. We’re trying really hard to call them, get together, pursue a friendship, and there’s little to no reciprocation. If I keep trying to play with Penny and she is not interested, it does not work. The game is over. Playtime is over. I need to accept it and move on. (Gratefully in this case because I’m exhausted anyway)
Yet in our friendship attempts, we often times keep trying to throw the toy and hope they bring it back. We keep trying to chase. We want to play and they are just not interested. Or we spend too much headspace and time stewing about the status and state of a friendship.
I’ve had conversations with my daughters about not forcing friendship. I’ve had discussions with many ladies who feel discouraged by lack of responses. I’ve been there myself. We feel a kindred spirit with someone and we are excited to spend more time, know, and be part of their inner circle. And this is a good desire. We were made for friendship and fellowship.
Nonetheless, God is the director of our friendships. Lack of reciprocation is a hard reality check. It tells us one or more things: This is not a friendship. This is not the season for this friendship or possibly this is not the friendship for us.
Very hard, I know.
When someone ghosts us or seems disinterested it tempts us to feel insecure, unloved, lonely, angry, discouraged, or like an outsider.
It is a frustrating at times, but we must remember friendship is a gift. Gifts need to be given, not grabbed. Received not demanded. At times the Lord gives, other times he takes away, and sometimes a certain friendship is for one season and not another.
If (insert person) wants to be your friend, they will call you back. They will text you eventually. They will make an effort to get together face to face. Not that it has to be a perfect 50-50 deal. But it needs to be somewhat mutual.
And if we have clearly (not vaguely) communicated a desire to spend time and are still ignored, perhaps after a few tries we need to move on. Cheerfully and without hard feelings. Directing our energies elsewhere. In the Lord’s timing someone will respond to our call-the vulnerable plea of our heart.
On the flip side, if someone is pursuing you, and you desire their friendship, are you ignoring or forgetting them? Be careful, if you wait too long, they may move on.
As Christians, those who have put our hope and our identity in Jesus Christ, we have the power to walk in the most confidence when it comes to friendships. Because our life is hidden in Christ and our identity is in him, we are already fully secure, beloved, accepted, and included. We have been invited into the greatest inner circle of friendship-Father, Son, and Spirit. From this circle of friendship we move out.
So initiate? Yes! Clearly, directly. No response after a few times? Move on. Then look up and see. Who is in front of you to love? Who is responding? There my friend, is your friend.
Reciprocation is the linchpin of friendship.
Test the waters. God may bring an unlikely friend right when you need it.
Pray. Initiate. Wait. Trust. Move On….repeat. And as you wait, remember your confidence is not in friendship but in your Savior. You always have a friend in Jesus.
Psalm 25:14
The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.
Psalm 73:25-26
Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
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