I finally got around to reading this book. It is arresting. And it confirms so many feelings I have been feeling in my gut for so long.
If you have tweens or teens younger than 16, do not allow them to have social media or uncontrolled access to the Internet.
Anxiety. Depression. Suicide. Pornography addiction. Video game addiction. It’s rampant since the early 2010’s. Girls affected more by social media. Boys more with video games and pornography.
A step further. They don’t NEED social media. You are the parent. You can take it away. They may hate you for a while and have withdrawals. But then you’ll have your child back.
Let them play. Climb trees. Ride their bikes. Explore and have a sense of wonder. We need to stop helicoptering them out in the physical world and start cracking down on the digital world more. Yes, let them walk to a friend’s house alone or ride their bike and not track them.
They are actually more resilient than we think in the physical world. Guess what happens when you play and pretend and fail and fall? You get back up and you are a less anxious adult when you take risks as a kid.
I know not everyone lives in a place where this is easy. I’m thankful for my small town. Where neighborhood kids still knock on our door and ask to play. And my girls can ride around the block or downtown and I feel perfectly fine about it. I bet it would stretch me if I still lived in New York, in certain parts. But even then risk is good. Do what you can in the place God has placed you. To let them explore and take risks.
Why post this on social media? That’s a tad hypocritical isn’t it?
Because I am a recovering social mediaholic and I want to help others. I started posting back in 2012 and for a long time after that. I posted pictures of the most adorable children in the world, a.k.a. mine. I posted and documented them because…well, everyone else did so it seemed acceptable. I used their cuteness as a way to promote my writing. I love to write and encourage people and motherhood. Was that bad? No. Was posting pictures of my kids online wise? No, it wasn’t. Did I have my entire childhood documented on social media? No I didn’t. And I am so thankful it wasn’t for so many reasons.
The Lord has been steadily working on my heart in the area of social media use. It’s been a fight. But I can gladly say I’ve been scroll free for almost a year now. The exception being going in like a ninja, to a specific person to say something specific. Or to sell things on marketplace or to giveaway or ask for something on our church’s sharing page. Or posting occasionally and then getting out like a ninja. I’ve slipped up a couple of times to be honest and got sucked back into the vortex. But genrally staying away has reaped a myriad of good results. I have felt my own anxiety go down. I have felt my own sadness go down. I have felt my own anger abate. I am sometimes tempted to post because I want back in and I want to show everyone what we’ve been up to, or the pretty places we’ve visited, or the memories we’ve made. It’s hard. I miss the dopamine hits.
But the more I step away, the less I feel this pull. I am seeing more good in the world because social media scrolling is not barraging me in an emotional, manipulative, time sucking way. I try to read the real newspaper every week now instead. Real paper in my hands by real journalists. (that I don’t always agree with) I am no longer in everybody’s business and I don’t know what’s going on even in my own community or church all the time. Sorry guys!
The things I need to know have found me, in time. I can walk into church Sunday morning, my conscience clear, not knowing what anybody posted, what questionable things were said, or even things people are going through. Therefore I feel less overwhelmed and overburdened by it all. I think this is just embracing my human limitations that I am not omniscient and omnipresent. I believe this is a good thing. Instead, friends and people I love talk to me and I talk to them. We pray together and when I find out something I try to reach out to that person. The old-fashioned, analogue way.
So I guess I post this on social media because I know there are some out there like me who are trying to pull away and it’s hard. You will need to detox and you will go through withdrawals. But you can do it! When you do, it will open your eyes to discover real life without scrolling. Or posting and constantly checking the likes and comments (or lack of likes) you receive. It’s really is addicting. Silicon Valley is pretty genius. Give credit where it’s due. They have tapped into our human psyche so well.
This book primarily addresses tweens and teens. But I hear my own heart in it’s heart wrenching stories and statistics. I am more like a 13 year old girl than I think when it comes to social media. The high dopamine hit that leaves me with less joy yet craving for more. The anxiousness and sadness and anger that follow.
I want be a counter-cultural, grass touching, face to face, nature loving, limited human being example for my girls. I want their memories of me to be looking them in the eyes, not looking down at my phone. With the help of God, prayer, and my husband keeping me accountable, I think I have grown a lot in this area! I still succumb to text messages and being social that way, but so much burden has been lifted as I continue to resist social media. My next step is when I write not to look at responses and likes. But to trust God and let it go. Starting now. Oh no!
Do this for yourself if you need to. Most of all do it for your kids. Don’t let them get sucked into the vortex. Let them play in the physical world, not the digital one. Protect them in the area you need to protect them in…digitally. Letting them go play without hovering means they may break an arm, they may get lost, they may be scared, they may be fearful, they may eat a dirty tissue, they may have some stress and adversity. But these are all things that build sturdy character and resilience in the face of future adversity.
Bind them when it comes to the digital. Loose them when it comes to the physical. Better to break their arm than lose their life.
And reconsider what social media is doing to your soul, mental health, and physical well being too.
Oh and also. Read this book or listen on audio. He is not just doom and gloom but offers solutions as well. I do not agree with all he says of course. And I try to insert Scripture and God’s wisdom in places he does not. But I am thankful more and more people are waking up and speaking up on this issue.
Love in real life, face to face. Be free.
-KDB
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